My name is Chad, and I'm an addict

Name: Chad
Scripture: Isaiah 40

OAP: I am just waiting for this to end, I have been for the last week. That is what is bothering me, I am burning time. It seems useless. I am still pretty much as I was when I posted yesterday. I hate wasting time, I really really do. Wasting time is not the same as not doing anything. Wasting time involves doing stuff simply to fill the hours, I hate that. I am a big fan of not doing anything.
Fun fact: I used to be something of a gaming addict. Online first person shooters. Truly an addict, my computer gaming ability is greater than my supersmash64 ability. I haven't done competitive gaming since mid freshman year. For perspective, the clan I was in had minimum hours per week practice. Now family, friends, school, church and other responsibilities fill my time so that I no longer need to whittle away at it online. Or atleast they did for the past two years. Last night I did two things that I have never done before and I am ashamed of both. 1. Go to the mall alone. 2. Buy a video game.
I was about 30 seconds away from buying a wii when I remembered that I had already spent many hundreds of dollars on a premium gaming system. Now I had not ever thought of my new laptop as a gaming system before, I blocked that out from my memory as a part of the twelve step program. But it is. I went into gamestop, asked for their best computer game and bought it.
This is a bad thing. I should not be playing computer games. I should not be wasting my time. I should not be waiting for this to simply end. But I am. This is me running away. Saying "God, I don't want to do this anymore, I'll follow the rules so that I can pretend I did this all for you but essentially, I quit." I am now throwing away the benefits of this fast and getting in return absolutely nothing. You would think if I were to break I would just hang out with people, but that would mean admitting I broke. Apparently I would rather not admit that and not be with people that I love than admit and be with them. So I am admitting it now. I broke, I quit. I ignored God because I was bored, because I was going crazy. Instead of listing during that time, working with the junk he was bringing to the surface, I ran away. It may not seem like much, I didn't even break the fast, but I ignored the purpose.

God, I am sorry. I acknowledge it now. I didn't when you made it clear yesterday, I ignored you. I am sorry.