John Coe on speed

Name: Chad
Scripture: Psalm 138

OAP: Today I felt very prepy rich kid under house arrest. I woke up to fresh squeezed orange juice from our trees, read some chomsky and then nouwen outside in the hammock, played tennis in my robe and slippers, walked around my backyard snacking on grapefruit and oranges that I picked, watched a little golf, laid in the hammock some more with my laptop doing some IR study, took a quick nap, got back into my lazyboy and read more.
This has probably been my most enjoyable day of the fast, it was also the worst day. For the past few weeks I have been working with things that make a difference in my day to day life, I have been hearing God, finding out uncomfortable truths about my deep, exposing my truth, growing, learning what I value, why I value it, how much I value it, living in both poetry and prose, finding God there in new ways, experiencing good. A lot of the time it hurt, sometimes it was amazing, but it was clearly ending in good.
The past few days have been desolate, I am continuing and nothing is changing, nothing is felt, nor experienced. Its not like I am not enjoying or learning anything from my readings or during prayer. I can find tremendous comfort and challenges in them, Nouwen specifically. But it is suddenly complacent. It seems like God is cramming a whole cycle of living into a tiny amount of time. I am a big fan of Coe and I think that I am getting a mini spiritual formation revival in this small period of a few weeks. The first was brokenness, weekend two was consolation in joy, now it is the lack of a felt presence.
This is where I stopped writing and went to Starbucks-----
I am finding it harder to continue this. As I was parking I saw the Morton's white jeepish car, driving back home I saw Scott's car next to Sean's car in the church parking lot. At least before, something was happening, things were changing and I knew that my isolation was leading towards good. Now in the desolation it seems futile. Not to say everything that has occurred is futile, I would do it again in a second. I am just finding it hard to continue.

God, your will. How do I know it? Let it be done.