No Mourning for James...

Name: Nate
Scripture: 

Acts 12:2 "He [Herod] had James, the brother of John, put to death with the sword."

OAP:  

The Sons of Thunder.  That's how James & John were named by Jesus in the gospels.  James & John were Peter's partners in fishing (Luke 5:10).  John was in the same place as Peter when Peter denied Christ.  When Jesus was on the road to Jerusalem to die, James & John wanted to "call down fire from heaven" to destroy a city where they weren't welcome.  Jesus sat on the Mt. of Olives and told Peter, James, and John about the end of the world.

These were Jesus' most intimate disciples.  His closest three.  And then comes this mention in Acts like a line from a text-based adventure game.  "Herod kills James with sword."  

End of story.  

John writes a gospel, three letters, and has visions of the end times (Revelation).  

Peter founds the church, writes letters, etc.  

James however, does something, gets arrested and is killed.

I think what bothers me most about this passage is that when Peter gets out of jail miraculously, and goes to the house, there is not even a mention of mourning about James.  Maybe it had happened weeks or months before Peter was rescued.  People were obviously astonished when Peter arrived.  They thought he had succumbed to the same fate as James.

I don't get God's plan here.  I don't get his purpose with James.  Was James the tag along?  Was he the glue to Peter and John?  What did he contribute to the dynamic of the disciples.  Why does he only get a one liner?

I think this brings to light my issues of relevance, validity in community, and purpose in God's kingdom...which is really to bring glory to Him.  I struggle with wanting to be "great" and do "great" things.  That doesn't leave much room for being a clay vessel that can be shattered at any moment.  Am I okay with just dying and drifting into the history books (or maybe not even getting a sentence mention)?  Does that make me any less loved or appreciated by God?  Does it make my accomplishments any less worth while?  Does it make my life any less significant?  I think the answer is supposed to be no.  

God - I'm grappling with my desire for relevance.  It is a deep piece of my brokenness.  Thank you for taking me as I am.  Please mold me and make me a new creation.