A modernist analyzing modernist lit, postmodernistly

Name: Chad

My situation seems to be changing. I seem to be changing. For about 10 days social isolation was a cage. I turn to God out of necessity, deal with ideas and internal conflicts because God tells me to. A crutch snapped and I endured some shifting, finding that the only place for my weight was God (among other things that haven't snapped, there will be a time for that I am sure). Now there is more.
I am a huge English nerd, I have been for quite some time, but always in the analyzing, the final product, the implications, the explication. In short I liked thinking about literature, composing my thoughts on it. For the most part short stories are my favorites, with a small bent in romantic poetry. I have been reading James Joyce, Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, the single densest piece of prose that I have ever read, it is slightly under 300 pages and with my current pace it will take around seventeen hours to finish. For reference, a month ago for English I read a 500 page Victorian novel in one night, roughly six hours. And from what I have heard my pace will considerably slow down for the last 150 pages. The point I am trying to make is that this book is affecting the way I see literature, the way it can grow me in the process of reading rather than just the end goal. The reason that I felt so strongly called to this month of seclusion was my apathy, apathy that I have never been able to describe satisfactorily. Joyce nails it.
In my head this is God over the past six months, "oh look at that, he is trying to fix his own problems...that's cute. Wait for it..... Ok now he is giving it up, good. So he won't give it directly to me, but it'll get there. Great now you say it is to me, and then. No no you silly goose when you give it up to me that doesn't mean that you try to change it with me, what part of to me don't you understand. Fine, if you asked for my 'help' here is something. Passion?, are you sure? Why does he hold on to this? Hmmm, you can have jealously, can you take a hint? Ouch. Now that's almost everything, we'll work with it. Hmmm, so these some of your pillars of support; family, friends, church, community. Yes, Yes I know they are good, I made them to be, smartboy. Knock them down. Yes really. No I'm super cereal. *crash* Hehehe, now you have to talk with me. No, No, hmm Yes, Yes, No (still no, nope, of course I'm sure don't you think I knew that going in? really really no. Because you love me more that's why), now do you see what is good? Do you see what good I have for you? Here is a letter, now do you trust me? Here are some texts, and a few voicemails, now do you trust me? Here are some supports I have for you, No you can't have those, take these. Here is another text, do you see what is good now? Here is some poetry I wrote for you, there we go, now do you see? Have these books, actually the note is more important for you now. Remember these people, they are good too, but not until I give them to you, remember that. Good. Are you ready? Are you sure? Ok, here is a book I wrote for you, it is due Monday, let's get started."

You are Good.


Scripture: It seems blasphemous to put Joyce here...but I think its true. At least for me at this time. Oh, and Acts 9: 1-19

OAP: Thanks for appearing to me as clearly as you did to Saul.