The Predatory Wasp Of The Palisades Is Out To Get Us!

Name: Scott
Scripture: Deuteronomy 7

Some snipits: 

"1 When the Lord your God brings you into the land you are about to enter and occupy, he will clear away many nations ahead of you: the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites."

. . .

"7 The Lord did not set his heart on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other nations, for you were the smallest of all nations! 8 Rather, it was simply that the Lord loves you, and he was keeping the oath he had sworn to your ancestors. That is why the Lord rescued you with such a strong hand form your slavery and from the oppressive hand of Pharaoh, king of Egypt. 9 Understand, therefore, that the Lord your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes h is unfailing love on those who love him and obey his commands. 10 But he does not hesitate to punish and destroy those who reject him."

OAP:

I really like the book of Deuteronomy so far. This whole chapter was great.

The first couple verses talk about GOd leading the Israelites into the promised land at last, and how they needed to destroy the people w ho occupied that land completely.  I kind of related this to how I am going away to college  next year. When I go off to college, God will clear the slate for me. Past years I have felt like there were "foreign nations" occupying the land I was in. There were people in higher grades than I, who were more popular and known and respected. I always felt like I couldn't live up to them and that in some way they were better than me, or something. But now God promises to clear these nations from the land he is giving me? How great! I must come into my own, not be afraid of other people, be the man God desires me to be.

The chapter goes on, in verses 7-10, to say why the Lord chose the Israelites as his people. I absolutely loved this cluster of verses. God DID choose us, and he DOES love us, even if he makes us walk in the desert for forty years.

It is also interesting to read verses 7-10 in the context of Jesus. It is pretty much what Jesus does for us. Replace "the Lord" with Jesus, and "from the oppressive hand of Pharoah, king of Egypt" with "from the bondage of sin and the grasp of Satan", and it totally fits! How crazy is that?

It was really encouraging to find this today. 

Jesus, thanks for these passages. Help me to continue to dive into your word regularly.

Because I can't afford a 5th goat...

Name: Josh
Scripture: Proverbs 20
6Many a man claims to have unfailing love,
but a faithful man who can find?
...
9Who can say, "I have kept my heart pure;
I am clean and without sin"?
...
25It is a trap for a man to dedicate something rashly
and only later to consider his vows.

OAP: I haven't posted in a while cause of san francisco and being lazy and all that good stuff, but here i am. I really like proverbs, it's one of my favorite books. These are very true and very challenging statements, i would like to dwell on these and other similar issues as we go through a series about love, evaluating the state and importance of my relationships and learning to mimic God's perfect love for those around me.

Lord I am depraved, unfaithful, selfish. I contradict myself often, i am confused often. I fall, i fall, i fall. Pick me up and fill me with a passion for people and for you, a selfless love God, a pure love and a true love. Thank you for ska, popsicles and somersaults God.

Name: Dillon
Scripture: exodus 20:12 Honor your father and mother.
OAP: I have been thinking about this verse for a while now. It might be because I am not having a good relashionship with my dad. This verse is telling me to honor him despite of what I think of him. This makes me mad. Sometimes I wish God would have given me a better dad. Someone who wouldn't freak out and yell at me for the stupidest things, someone I could talk to (that last part is sort of my fault). I really have nothing else to say other than it's really hard to live with someone you don't like. As I try to figure out what to do I just get confused, I just need to put my life in God's hands.
Dear God, im confused.

For the record

I left my bible and journal at church, so I can't blog tonight, but I did it, for the record.

Don't live in the Past

Name: Nate
Scripture: Deuteronomy 6:20-23

OAP:  I like to think about the future.  The next 5 years, the next week, even the next 15 minutes.  I'm not one to dwell on the past, although, I do have a very vivid memory of things that happened ten, even twenty years ago.  

Moses calls the people to remember.  To communicate and pass on the greatness of their God from generation to generation.  I am quick to dismiss the miraculous things that God has done in the past, and keep looking forward.  I lose faith quickly when something doesn't happen.  I forget a real experience of God.  I let it fade with time vs. renewing it in my mind.

When I was in college, those times were referred to as "anchors".  Something imbedded in the foundation, a "standing stone" to the Lord's goodness.  There is so much that is temporary in this world.  Our bodies, relationships, jobs, the weather, technology, etc.  It is hard to grasp God with His eternal purposes, and easy to forget His fingerprints in this world.

God, I pray that I will dwell upon the times you have moved in my life, and the history of Your people.  May my faith be strengthened.  I pray that I realize remembering the past is not dwelling in it, afraid of tomorrow.  Instead, I pray it is a reminder of my eternal, loving friend.

I could do it so perfectly...

Name: Chad
Scripture: Deuteronomy 4; Psalm 42; Acts 22:1-21

Then Paul said: 3"I am a Jew, born in Tarsus of Cilicia, but brought up in this city. Under Gamaliel I was thoroughly trained in the law of our fathers and was just as zealous for God as any of you are today. 4I persecuted the followers of this Way to their death, arresting both men and women and throwing them into prison, 5as also the high priest and all the Council can testify. I even obtained letters from them to their brothers in Damascus, and went there to bring these people as prisoners to Jerusalem to be punished.

OAP: I feel like Saul. I am writing a speech, and I am well trained in how I am supposed to do it. I can make it how it should be, playing upon the audience so that they will applaud when they are supposed to, laugh when I pause for laughter, enjoy me as I speak, relate to me as I share about my life. I was picked to do this because I am very good at manipulation. I can speak as Saul did, and I am worried that I will do it as he did, so that God has to come in and deliver a spiritual beat down. Everything I wrote is honest, but it is tailored to the audience, spun just right so that money will be donated and as a result I will get into college.

God, don't let anything I say be in opposition to you. Don't let me speak around you. I pray that I can be content in what you have for me at this time. I would appreciate the whole divine intervention before I have to submit my speech. Give me clarity now so that I don't need to be talked to later. I want to do it right the first time.

So soon

Name: Chad
Scripture: Deuteronomy 2-3; Acts 21:27-40
crying out, "Men of Israel, come to our aid! (D)This is the man who preaches to all men everywhere against our people and the Law and this place; and besides he has even brought Greeks into the temple and has (E)defiled this holy place."

OAP: Sometimes I just use biblegateway to get the verse. It annoyed me tonight, I didn't see anything hugely important in these verses but when I got to the point where it was about to get important, it stops. Verse fourty reads; "and when there was a great hush, he spoke to them in the Hebrew dialect, saying, " Thats it.
In this passage it is the Roman soilders that save Paul and the church that attacks him. I find that interesting. Not huge, but interesting.
This post was out of obligation, not to any of the two people that may read the blog but an obligation nontheless. Maybe it is an obligation to my small group, or to myself. I didn't want to do this.

mmmmmmm, yum.

So that it is understood

The only reason I am posting this is because I don't want the two people that actually read this to have be confused about my other days of non posting. When I haven't posted before I haven't done soap. I am posting this so that it is clear and I can't later pretend that I did a private soap.
This is the first one of those.

OED to the rescue

Name: Chad
Scripture: Numbers 36; Psalm 37; Acts 20:17-38

"From the first day I came into Asia Minor, 19 I was free of pride. I served the Lord with tears. I served him even though I was greatly tested by the evil plans of the Jews. 20 You know I haven't let anyone keep me from preaching anything that would be helpful to you.

25 "I have spent time with you preaching about the kingdom. I know that none of you will ever see me again. 26 So I tell you today that I am not guilty if anyone has not believed. 27 I haven't let anyone keep me from telling you everything God wants you to do


OAP: I think I need to redefine pride....
Paul is exactly where I find it so hard to be. Maybe I have been looking at it incorrectly. This passage is keying in on exactly what confuses me, and it seems as if it is effortless. I read a book that was big on pride and humility. Humility being nothing before God, and pride being something. I think the disconnect comes in the day to day thought of pride, and it's blend with confidence. Yet the connection make scense. I shall ponder this. It seems important for my worldview.

God, come in this place, clarify. I hope I don't get in the way

Confidence or Pride

Name: Chad
Scripture: Acts 20:1-16
For Paul had decided to sail past Ephesus, so that he would not have to spend time in Asia; for he was hurrying to be at Jerusalem, if possible, on the Day of Pentecost.

OAP: It seems like Paul is really doing some decision making here. Yet there is doubt if it will be possible. Today I had a long chat about pride and humility and confidence. Paul seems to exude confidence and it is O.K. His actions show decision making, so it is possible to do this in God. I can only do this, that is have full confidence and be a full servant of God, in short bursts. I usually have to lean a little to one side.

God, I am listening

Accompanied with b collision "I saw the light"

Name: Chad
Scripture: Gen 2:18

Then the Lord God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone"

OAP: *happy dance*
Amen

Can I be a drug dealer and a Christian?

Name: Nate
Scripture: Acts 19:25

"these [craftsmen] he gathered together with the workmen of similar trades and said, 'Men, you know that our prosperity depends upon this business.'"

OAP: "This business" was making idols.  Their well-being, the prosperity of their families was, as far as they could see, attached to making these images of Artemis that everyone wanted.  Paul was leading people to believe in the true God...this wasn't good for business.  

A couple thoughts here.

1. Jesus taught dependence upon God for prosperity and what we need (Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5-7).  

2. When our profitability and prosperity come into conflict with His glorification...look out.  

This makes me examine my job.  Why do I do, what I do?  Is my occupation glorifying to God?  Does it go against Him being revealed?  How would I respond if my beliefs came into conflict with my occupation?  Would I be willing to give it up and put my livelihood in the hands of God?

Is my livelihood in His hands already and my self preservation a delusion of grandeur?  

This is a good thing to ponder, whether considering a career, or the motivations/means to the one you are already in.  I'm about to get my annual review.  How much am I reliant on that for my worth?

God, please continue to reveal my motivations.  I am challenged to bring You glory in my work, and I'm afraid of Your plans coming against my self preservation and comfort.  Help me to rely on You, and not on myself.

Side note:  As to the drug dealer...I think it really only works if you're a pharmacist, but I could be convinced otherwise...

Hippity, Hoppity, Easter's on it's way!

Name: Josh
Scripture: Proverbs 23
"25May your father and mother be glad;
may she who gave you birth rejoice!"

and Ephesians 6
"1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

OAP: The last few days have been so great. My brother came home from Santa Barbara for Easter, we went to service as a family, had brunch, and celebrated his birthday today with some smash brothers and brownies. It's been awesome to just spend time with family and realize how cool they are, and how much i take them for granted. I don't even care that its like 11 and i haven't packed yet for tomorrow, i just want to hang out more. Obviously we aren't the perfect little Brady Bunch and we fight a lot, but seeing my parent's joy these last few days has been neat.

Prayer: God you've blessed me with an awesome family and i'm sorry for often overlooking that. Thanks for a spectacular weekend, and please grant our mission team strength in body and spirit as we trek out tomorrow. Thank you for providing the final atonement for sin through your Son on the cross all those years ago. It is finished!!!

(note: hey chad/nate if you want my brother will be here till friday, he's craving some supersmash since ill be gone in san fran.)

Been there...

Name: Chad
Scripture: Numbers 29-30; Acts 18:9-28

But as he left, he promised, "I will come back if it is God's will."

OAP: This seems like a fairly lame promise. It seems like less of a promise and more of a easy let down, cautioning that he may not come back. I have had to make promises like this lately, a downside to having to pray about everything means that I am not great about committing. I do not enjoy doing these promises. My mom asked me to go with her to the Easter service, it is just awkward to answer. Explanations come harder..."I'm sorry I can't, God doesn't want me to" "Maybe, give me a few minutes, I can't say right now". I am very good at explanations, I can walk through my reasoning process fairly clearly, but it doesn't work here. I think that it is what Paul is doing, "I want to come back, but I can't be sure. /Well, sure I'll be able to but I don't know if I will. /Because it is not my decision. / I promise to do it....if it's God's will/ Yes, that means I won't if it isn't/ I don't know why it wouldn't be/ look I don't control this, I'm sorry"

God, I am confused on why the word 'promised' it used. It seems like a given. I want it to be a promise as in he was going to do your will weather or not they wanted him to. I find that reassuring to the people.
I promise.

Quick side note:
Clarification: I don't think video games are evil. But God told me not to play, and I did anyway, so for me Crysis = Satan. It is also a fantastic game, one of the only games in existence that will push my laptop to the limit. I am all for playing computer games (I don't as a general rule because of my former attachment to them) I support the buying of games, but up untill this point every video game I ever owned was a gift. The part about being ashamed of going to the mall alone and buying a game was more or less a joke, mostly hyperbole. Stupid lack of way to convey tone online....

There's a Party in My Tummy! (so yummy, so yummy)

Name: Josh
Scripture: Psalm 68
" 3But may the righteous be glad
and rejoice before God;
may they be happy and joyful.

4Sing to God, sing praise to his name,
extol him who rides on the clouds—
his name is the LORD—
and rejoice before him."

OAP: Praise the Lord, oh my soul!

Thank you for the people in my life God, thank you for 2 awesome days in a row, thank you for your final atonement and sacrifice through Jesus Christ. I love you.

idnqofpsjualvnmeuycpwutmxnvjslbyivhehv

Name:Eric

Scripture: (41)"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? (42)How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

OAP: Amanda had one on one with Chad...and she is standing over my shoulder right now to make sure I do my blog...

OK shes gone... anyway these two verses really mean why help others when you need to help your self first. I've been finding myself praying for others way too much...I barley pray for myself. I have realized that I need to pray for myself before I pray for others. I even talked about this with my sister. This always sounded weird to me. I always heard "think about others in need" even though it is true. But I never really heard "think for yourself before others". But lately I have been working hard to pray for me and me first...wow that sounds greedy. But that's how it is supposed to be... not the greedy part. I also need to understand that this doesn't mean to not pray for others. It is very important to pray for others. But it is more important that I pray for me, and pray for me before others.

Dear Lord, I pray that I will be able to pray for myself first... like I am doing right now. I have realized how It is really important to think of or pray about yourself before you think about or pray for others.

My name is Chad, and I'm an addict

Name: Chad
Scripture: Isaiah 40

OAP: I am just waiting for this to end, I have been for the last week. That is what is bothering me, I am burning time. It seems useless. I am still pretty much as I was when I posted yesterday. I hate wasting time, I really really do. Wasting time is not the same as not doing anything. Wasting time involves doing stuff simply to fill the hours, I hate that. I am a big fan of not doing anything.
Fun fact: I used to be something of a gaming addict. Online first person shooters. Truly an addict, my computer gaming ability is greater than my supersmash64 ability. I haven't done competitive gaming since mid freshman year. For perspective, the clan I was in had minimum hours per week practice. Now family, friends, school, church and other responsibilities fill my time so that I no longer need to whittle away at it online. Or atleast they did for the past two years. Last night I did two things that I have never done before and I am ashamed of both. 1. Go to the mall alone. 2. Buy a video game.
I was about 30 seconds away from buying a wii when I remembered that I had already spent many hundreds of dollars on a premium gaming system. Now I had not ever thought of my new laptop as a gaming system before, I blocked that out from my memory as a part of the twelve step program. But it is. I went into gamestop, asked for their best computer game and bought it.
This is a bad thing. I should not be playing computer games. I should not be wasting my time. I should not be waiting for this to simply end. But I am. This is me running away. Saying "God, I don't want to do this anymore, I'll follow the rules so that I can pretend I did this all for you but essentially, I quit." I am now throwing away the benefits of this fast and getting in return absolutely nothing. You would think if I were to break I would just hang out with people, but that would mean admitting I broke. Apparently I would rather not admit that and not be with people that I love than admit and be with them. So I am admitting it now. I broke, I quit. I ignored God because I was bored, because I was going crazy. Instead of listing during that time, working with the junk he was bringing to the surface, I ran away. It may not seem like much, I didn't even break the fast, but I ignored the purpose.

God, I am sorry. I acknowledge it now. I didn't when you made it clear yesterday, I ignored you. I am sorry.

No Assistance Required

Name: Nate
Scripture: Acts 17:25
"Neither is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all life and breath and all things;"

OAP: This week sucked. I worked a lot, and I got yelled at day after day. I went to bat for my customer, and in the end, they lied to me and didn't follow through. Of course, they veiled it in "miscommunication", but we both know what went down. Today the joke around the office was that I was the one on the cross for Good Friday...not the case by a long shot. I was angry too! Betrayed, pushed to the limit, hung out to dry, credibility tarnished...

God doesn't need me. Pleasant thought for the week. In fact, if I were to drop off the face of the earth tomorrow, life would go on.

God gives...he does not take from want or need. He is an outpouring, a provider, a renewer. He gave Himself.

Scotty - Thx for the commentary...it was a good read.

Chad - Josh and I will destroy you at Brawl. Even if it means taking the batteries out of your remote...you will fall! It will also be good to see you...

I am more than ready for this weekend. I need some renewal. I'm not ready to do this over again next week. I feel like pavement.

-

Name: Chad
Scripture: no

OAP: I am angry today. It generally takes alot to make me have any sort of emotional reaction and the build up of the past month seems to have done it. I am seventeen on spring break, this is a time that I will never get to experience again. There are great times that I will never have because of this month. Tomorrow my best friends will be at the beach and I will be at home, doing nothing, for no obvious reason. The only thing I will be doing is not experience memories. Yeah I know, God is using this time to expose what I care about, what I can sometimes worship, but I am pissed off right now and I am not going to cover that up. The only thing that I see coming out of this is the anger, "you are going to let this go, and you will hate it" Ok God, why? "so that you will hate it" that's the jist of what I am getting right now. Atleast something was happening, changing. Now it is just, "you are going to not do this so that you wont have a weekend, or a week, or a spring break". You aren't going to talk to your friends who wont be back in town untill summer, just because. You aren't going to be with your friends who are leaving after this summer. By the way both groups are going to change and you will never have a chance to experience them as they are right now ever again.
How this fits into God's plan is kinda secondary for me right now, but ill address it. What if God would have said all of this last summer, the night before everyone left for college, or for the waterski trip, or when we drove down to LA. Knowing how those things turned out would I be willing to let God take them away? I can't for the life of me see any good that would come from taking those times away.
In addition to the anger (and it is anger, not "frustration") I am bored out of my mind. In past month I have read more theology and IR theory than the rest of the year combined. I enjoy them both normally, but now I am mostly sick of it. I have been extremely short with my parents lately. I don't even think I am trying right now, after one or two comments that I deem stupid I simply leave, even then because of the remodel there is no place to go, and no where outside the house for me to go to, nothing inside the house for me to do.
I am not going to resolve this now, I am not going to make this a full circle of God's plan and my understanding of it. I am not going to deal with all of this tonight and post my prayer that exudes confidence and understanding and trust. I don't need reassurance or encouragement, I'll get there and I know how it is going to go, but right now this is where I am at. and that's my whole prayer.

...My other friends

Name: Chad
Scripture: Revisiting James 4

OAP: Spring break is nice. I did something today that I pretty much never do, I hung out with friends from Bellarmine. I am different at school, not as in like two separate people, but definitely different purposes and priorities. Hmmm, from what I just wrote it sounds as if I do the whole fake try to fit in thing, I don't. School is for school. I often enjoy it, but that is not my intention. When I am there I don't care about making friends or having a good time, I get done what needs to get done and everything else is secondary. Outside of school it is the polar opposite, I put relationships first, with school secondary and everything else (sleep) a bonus. I don't blow people off for school, it just doesn't happen outside of school. Inside however I do it every single day. Free period and lunch I spend in the library, I prioritize my work over friendships during class and as a result the people at Bellamine see me completely differently than people anywhere else. Now the only people I can hang out with are the Catholic school kids. The only people I can have a good time with are the relationships that I have put zero effort/thought/caring into for the past three years. It is interesting. I want to clarify at this point, mostly because my pride doesn't want anyone to get the wrong idea; I have no self esteem problems. I have a ridiculously large amount of pride or self confidence or whatever you want to call it. It gets fed everyday at school, the fact that I avoid friendships and yet still am popular reinforces it. I have been reflecting on how much I care about people, how I care for them. For two years (1st sem freshman year not so much) I have cared for people at Bellarmine simply by relying on my overall "good person-ness" that's charm, kindness, sarcasm, intelligence. I felt like that was good. How could I be wrong? I am liked by pretty much everyone; from the kids that will go to Harvard to the kids that will end up at graduating at Valley. So why is God making me rely on these people now?
None of it was intentional. It all comes back to my good vs. God's good. I don't doubt that I was doing good, and I wanted it to be for God, but it is background, it is not something that I care about or work on.
This is another level of what I was exploring in the second week of this fast. A different angle of it, not something that I even considered before. I assumed that by retreating from southhills community I would discover things concerning that aspect of my life, and God defiantly has given me some huge implications, but now I have to deal with this aspect. I think it will be interesting.

God, this is a short amount of time, one month. You are cramming alot in. I don't know how this part of the experience is going to develop but I am excited to find out. I trust you.




Sidenote: 4 player free-for-all, first time playing, Fox ftw :-)

AWESOME. What, like a hot dog?

Titles are for suckers. Just like shoes.

Name:Scott
Scripture:Genesis 22:1

"Some time later, God tested Abraham's faith. 'Abraham!' God called. 'Yes,' he replied, 'here I am.'"

OAP:

God wanted to see how far Abraham's faith stretched, how devoted he was. If he was willing to do whatever it takes. So He had him sacrifice Isaac. 

I wonder if God tests my faith? I mean, He wanted to see how Abraham was doing. Does He do that to me? Do I not let Him? Am I just blind to His tests? Do I pass or fail them? 

God, help me be aware of what you are doing in me, and what you are calling me to.

ps. Nate--you should read the comment I posted on your Paul v. Barnabus post. I got it from a bible commentary. It's interesting.

"give me a million bucks and ill let you kill my friend"

Name: Dillon
Scripture: matthew 26:14-16 Then Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve disciples, went to the leading priests and asked, "how much will you pay me to betray Jesus to you?" And they gave him thirty peices of silber, from that time on, Judas began looking for the right time and place to betray Jesus.
OAP: wow. I would definitely not want to have this guy as a friend. Why would anyone plot to kill theyr'e own friend for money? I think about what that would be like, to give my friend away to be killed just so I could make some money off of it. I wonder what drove Judas to do something like this.
Dear God, help me to remember Judas when i'm feeling greedy, and help me to not sacrifice my friends for money(or something less drastic than that)

My, what an odd turn of events

Name: Josh
Scripture: Psalm 122

"6 Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: Maybe those who love you be secure. 7May there be peace within your walls and security within your citadels."

OAP: So here i am right now in my ap music theory class. We're doing one of those lockdown code red drills where we just hide in the classroom and barricade the doors. It's pretty neat cause we have computers in here so i thought to myself, what better time to do soap? I feel pretty secure and mellow with all the doors locked and blocked with cabinets, the windows closed tight, listening to this will destroy you, and thinking about God as i crouch under my desk. I was thinking that even if this was a real situation, i would feel safe and at peace. I love you God, thank you for this. What a great transition into a crummy school lunch :)

Prayer: God i pray that whoever else sits in this seat later today is blessed with the comfort and peace you provide.

You never would have known

Name: Chad
Scripture: Acts 16
These men are servants of the Most High God, who are telling you the way to be saved." She kept this up for many days. Finally Paul became so troubled that he turned around and said to the spirit, "In the name of Jesus Christ I command you to come out of her!"

OAP: In another translation it says that Paul became so annoyed. The image I have in my head is of Paul walking around and a girl with a bullhorn is following him, shouting out that Jesus saves, Cut to Paul banging his head on the wall.
-----
I am taking this the wrong way, I have no desire to do this right now. This passage stood out to me because I saw it as ammunition against Christians I find annoying, justification. I made some interesting ideas concerning the last part of chapter 16, but its 3 AM and if I were to comprehend them and write and ponder and care then I would be awake much longer. I am not willing to do that. I am not going to do that. The gut reaction is to hide my sloth and quickly write some explication without thought, it would take five minutes and then no one would ever know that I didn't want to do soap tonight, in fact would probably been able to convince myself that I did it.
But instead I am going to deal with my desires to blow this off, mostly just by stating it both here and in prayer.

Demosthenes stuck dumb (Haha how vain am I)

Name: Chad
Scripture: Acts 15
disagreements

OAP: My gut reaction to distention, disagreements, is to confront. To put it out in the open and talk about it. I almost always do face to face, I am better at expressing my side, evaluating what the other person things and adjusting as necessary. This is a base that I have clung to all my life, the idea that if I always try to do the right thing I will be able to vocalize my thought process and I can, in essence, always be right or at the minimum, understood and sympathized with.
How do I do this when my motives are selfish?
Even more importantly how can I do this without talking? Without the face to face explanations that I am so adept at?

It's yours. I recognize that. Take it.

I think we should see other people.

Name: Nate
Scripture: Acts 15:39 "They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company..."

OAP:  Paul had quite the disagreement with Barnabas about John Mark.  Paul thought he was a deserter and shouldn't be brought along on the next missionary journey.   Apparently, they disagreed vehemently over their fellowship, to the point of splitting up and going in different directions.  

I'm probably thinking about this too late in the day, but why isn't there reconciliation here?  Or is there?  Did they just agree to disagree and go their separate ways?  Did God have unique purposes and so they had to split up?

You don't hear about Barnabas or John Mark anymore after this passage in Acts.  Paul talks about them in some of his letters, but it references earlier points in time of Acts.

Jesus.  Does this passage teach anything about conflict resolution, or am I looking at the wrong thing?  One thing is apparent.  They did not sit without making a decision, moved forward (albeit in separate ways).  Perhaps they set their differences aside, and instead focused on their calling from God.  They both still set off to support the churches, but in different directions.  I really don't know.  I pray for your revelation and wisdom.  Continue to reveal your truth.

This probably won't make sense

Name: Josh
Scripture: Mark 11
'12The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. 13Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. 14Then he said to the tree, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again." And his disciples heard him say it... 20In the morning, as they went along, they saw the fig tree withered from the roots. 21Peter remembered and said to Jesus, "Rabbi, look! The fig tree you cursed has withered!" '

OAP: I understand that Jesus is making a point to his disciples of how having faith in God and patiently praying for strength can bring about miraculous events like killing a tree overnight, but i'm still slightly confused about the situation. It says that this time "was not the season for figs", so Jesus expecting to see fruit in the tree is already odd. And since they were out of season and no trees had figs, why would you curse a tree for eternity? Couldn't he have blessed the tree and made it bear fruit out of season instead or something happy and crazy like that? I just hope God doesn't curse me for something physically impossible like not being able to create a perpetual motion device or something, because the only way to do something impossible like that would be through his intervention and provision. So would he strike me down for being fruitless out of season when the only way to be fruitful would be through him equipping me in the first place? I'm not sure if these questions have answers or not.

Prayer: I constantly work myself into a state of confusion God, my mind is my biggest enemy. I'm not sure why i journaled about what i did, why i thought so long and hard about it all or even if it's what you want me to be focusing on here. Clarity, God, I pray for clarity.

The Call to Submission

Name:Scott
Scripture:John 12:24

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels-- a plentiful harvest of new lives."

OAP:

To be honest, I am not completely sure what this means, but I can make some inferences. I'm supposed to be looking at this verse in the context of submission. So maybe it means if we do not submit to others (friends, family , authority, etc.), we are not being fruitful. But those who do submit to the will of others are showing love for one another and imitating Christ. Does that make sense?

Example: During the run of Millie, I have become very close to two people-- Corey Martin and Nicky Slavich. They were both supposed to come over to my house Friday night and stay over, but neither of them had brought clothes or other necessary sleep-over items. So they said, "Why don't we just go to the Martin Shack (Corey's house)?" I really wanted to spend time with them, but Corey lives in San Martin, and I didn't want to drive out there at 10:30 PM just to drive back at 9 AM the next morning. Reluctantly, I agreed to make the trek. It turned out to be a night filled with skinny-tubbing, chickens, cranium, and cuddling. 

In submitting my will to theirs, I was able to spend time with them and grow the foundation for very healthy relationships. I believe that the reason God put me in Millie is so that I would start these specific relationships and be able to influence these people in a positive way, and love them like Christ loves them.

God, thanks for placing Corey and Nicky in my life. I am truly blessed to have their friendship. Please continue to give me the opportunity to spend time with them and be a living testament to your grace and love. Though I have a hard time submitting my will to those of others and you, give me the balls to let myself go. Keep me attentive to your leading, and help me not to pass up opportunities that you place in front of me.

I love the smell of Napalm in the morning

Name: Nate
Scripture: Psalm 39:3-4

"My heart was hot within me; While I was musing the fire burned. Then I spoke with my tongue: 'Lord, make me know my end, and what is the extent of my days.  Let me know how transient I am.'"

OAP:  I get frustrated.  A friend of mine called frustration the Christian word for anger.  It's pretty true.  I look at a circumstantial impact on my emotions and call it frustration when it grates against my will or perspective.  Really I'm just angry.  Sometimes the fire just burns...it smolders within me.  

I used to be a real hot head.  One time, my parents actually had to pin me down because I got so angry I was going to hurt myself or one of them.  Now I tend to be more passive aggressive, which still doesn't deal with the issues.  Anger is typically pretty short-sighted....not taking into account the larger picture.  You can become a harbinger of bitterness...holding on to things that end up hurting you from the inside out.    You lose your perspective that you only have a few years on this earth.  Maybe even precious few months with certain people.  Is it worth holding a grudge?

I had a blessing this week that reminded me of my life like a vapor.  An old friend contacted me out of the blue.  Someone I knew in passing, but grew to know closely through a time of great pain.  God revealed Himself in amazing ways to both of us during that time.  It blessed my heart to hear how they were doing, and how God has continued to grow them.  

This brings me back to the frustration thing.  I realize that if there is emnity between me and others, it's a horrible way to live.  In fact, Jesus made it clear that relationships were of upmost importance in the Kingdom of Heaven.  It's critical to love others before ones self.  Even if they were your enemy, to serve them.  He called people to resolve things quickly.  Don't let the sun go down on your anger...drop what you're doing and get right with people.  Don't let the fire burn within you while you contemplate.

God.  I'm smoldering.  You know my heart, both good and bad.  In my fleeting life I want to be a new creation.  I want to be transformed.  I desperately want you to make me new.  Thank you for reminding me of the deep blessing that comes through relationships.  I've had many unique seasons of relationships and I'm thankful for the season I'm in now.  

Clarity, Peace, Serenity.

Name: Josh
Scripture: Proverbs 19
21Many are the plans in a man's heart,
but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

OAP: Today was great. Chris and i got some lunch at super taq (which is amazing despite chad's blasphemous remarks), i played baseball with some guys, watched golf with my grandpa, and enjoyed adam and brynne's mock wedding. It was a great day. Which is weird, because i'm feeling God leading me away from one of my really big desires and dreams of late, but somehow i'm totally at peace with it. I guess i'm just surprised to find myself able to surrender the ambition to Him with a sense of comfort even though it means a lot to me. It's good.

Prayer: Thank you God for planning out my footsteps ahead of me and not getting pissed when i wander off away from your will.

John Coe on speed

Name: Chad
Scripture: Psalm 138

OAP: Today I felt very prepy rich kid under house arrest. I woke up to fresh squeezed orange juice from our trees, read some chomsky and then nouwen outside in the hammock, played tennis in my robe and slippers, walked around my backyard snacking on grapefruit and oranges that I picked, watched a little golf, laid in the hammock some more with my laptop doing some IR study, took a quick nap, got back into my lazyboy and read more.
This has probably been my most enjoyable day of the fast, it was also the worst day. For the past few weeks I have been working with things that make a difference in my day to day life, I have been hearing God, finding out uncomfortable truths about my deep, exposing my truth, growing, learning what I value, why I value it, how much I value it, living in both poetry and prose, finding God there in new ways, experiencing good. A lot of the time it hurt, sometimes it was amazing, but it was clearly ending in good.
The past few days have been desolate, I am continuing and nothing is changing, nothing is felt, nor experienced. Its not like I am not enjoying or learning anything from my readings or during prayer. I can find tremendous comfort and challenges in them, Nouwen specifically. But it is suddenly complacent. It seems like God is cramming a whole cycle of living into a tiny amount of time. I am a big fan of Coe and I think that I am getting a mini spiritual formation revival in this small period of a few weeks. The first was brokenness, weekend two was consolation in joy, now it is the lack of a felt presence.
This is where I stopped writing and went to Starbucks-----
I am finding it harder to continue this. As I was parking I saw the Morton's white jeepish car, driving back home I saw Scott's car next to Sean's car in the church parking lot. At least before, something was happening, things were changing and I knew that my isolation was leading towards good. Now in the desolation it seems futile. Not to say everything that has occurred is futile, I would do it again in a second. I am just finding it hard to continue.

God, your will. How do I know it? Let it be done.

Zeus and Hermes

Name: Chad
Scripture: Acts 14

yet, in bestowing his goodness, he did not leave himself without witness, for he gave you rains from heaven and fruitful seasons, and filled you with nourishment and gladness for your hearts." Even with these words, they scarcely restrained the crowds from offering sacrifice to them.

OAP: God, let me attribute the goodness that I see to you, and only you.

Big Gulp

Name: Nate
Scripture: Numbers 16

OAP: Don't have a specific verse today.  Interesting passage about leadership.  The Israelites and Levites especially considered themselves holy and felt that Moses and Aaron were being arrogant in their leadership.  So God gathers them all in one place.  He swallows up the families with a giant crack in the ground, and burns up all the men...done.

Certainly shows who is appointed and in charge.  But Moses didn't get angry. He just turned things over to the Lord.  He wasn't perfect by any means.  The whole reason he didn't get to enter the promised land is because of His disobedience. 

Vengeance, justification, establishing his position, etc. weren't his responsibility.   He was reliant on God to speak and act.

Herod = Pwned

Name: Chad
Scripture: Acts 12

OAP: This is Peter's jailbreak. Last night what stuck out to me was obeying authority, keeping to the law. Here God commands Peter to disobey the authority set before him and leave prison. I have talked a great deal about rules and guidelines, exceptions to those rules. I want to break isolation, to go to day7, to beat up on Josh at brawl, to just hang out with people. I don't want to continue simply for the sake of continuing, turning this experience into my own good, which it has not been for the past two weeks. I cite "breaking the rules" on Sunday, simply talking with Christine on the trail, it was good. This chapter in acts almost serves as a temptation for me, that God sets rules, (again the word rule is incorrect) but then intervene when they should be broken. God did that on Sunday, he made it clear to me that the expressed guidelines should not be followed. I think that I am trying to hear that again, when it is not there.

God, if you have an angel lead me out of my house, I will follow. I will follow if you choose a more subtle method as well. Give me the discernment to recognize your voice if yo choose to speak. But it would be worse for me to speak instead, to hear what is not said, to speak as Herod did and claim to be the voice of God. Let me be completely passive in this God, a silent receptor of your will.

Were it so easy...

Name: Josh
Scripture: Deuteronomy 18
13You must be blameless before the LORD your God.

OAP: i hope this blog doesn't die off now that we got our super smash brawl party hahaha...anyways. This verse is probably the the biggest challenge a person could ever attempt to take on in life, bar none. It basically says 'Hey, be perfect.' Plain and simple; God demands it. And it hurts to not be able to be perfect for a perfect God.

Prayer: Lord i pray first of all that the journaling continues, because it has promoted so much fellowship and provided for challenging conversation. I'm sorry that i cant walk blamelessly before you like you ask of me, i really try but it's such a huge thing to tackle. Give me strength God.

Maybe I should delete the playlist....

Name: Chad

Scripture: Romans 13

OAP: I received an email alert today, the SJPD is going to be enforcing traffic laws at a "higher concentration" on certain intersections. Of the 18 listed, two should come at a great inconvenience to me, Almaden Branham, and Almaden Blossom Hill. I don't think I have ever claimed to be a good driver, for the simple reason that I drive fast. For reference my personal best from downtown San Jose (near the airport) to my house is 14 minutes at around three on a weekday. Toph used to be big on not speeding, and with him safely hidden away in some snowy wasteland I have been able to ignore it for the most part. But that blissful ignorance seems to be closing in on me. Last week I was reflecting on why I speed, for the past few weeks I literately have had no where to go. So this whole week I have been not speeding, or at least considerably reduced. It turns out that from North San Jose to South San Jose there isn't much headway you can make by speeding, essentially I am getting home no more than a few minutes later. Today when I drove home there were cops at both Branham and Blossom, I was going 50.
There is something freeing about resolving to go the limit, I can't be rushed, nor can I be weaving and tense, it doesn't matter because I couldn't go faster anyway. That being said, I have been almost late to school ever day this week. But what is important is that once I am in the car, it is calm, I don't worry because I am not going to change anything anyway.

Just a small thing that I am trusting God with that has shown some fruit.

Cornu-kopiaw

Name: josh
Scripture: john 4
"4Now he had to go through Samaria. 5So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. 6Jacob's well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about the sixth hour."

OAP: Im finding a lot of my posts lately are about exhaustion, maybe that's because i dont get enough sleep, maybe im just a whiner. Who knows. And a sorry in advance if this turns out to be a rant. Im just gonna put down all my thoughts because i dont like to complain to people, but writing them in here gets them out somehow. Anyways, for some reason im finding comfort in the fact that Jesus got tired and took a break and sat down. This isn't anything amazing and obviously there's been other times when Jesus has been tired, but this really stood out tonight because im utterly dead. And after this ill be up doing more work like always, it's getting old. I honestly can't wait for this year to end its been so freaking challenging and ive been afraid to show it. But just thinking that even Jesus needed to stop and take a breather when he grew tired is comforting. This word "tired," in greek is kopiaw or kopiao it means to grow weary or exhausted from toils, burdens, or grief. It seems to be more than just physical exhaustion, not just a lack of sleep or being overworked but something emotional and spiritual. It is a fatigue of the heart and soul, and lately ive been feeling it. Some things i used to be so passionate for are losing their luster. I'm getting easily irritable, cynical, closed off. I seriously don't know how much longer i can take this dry spell, i see evil prevailing around me and it disheartens me. I'm close to empty God, renew my soul.

Prayer: 11Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 12Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Psalm 51

Amo, amas, amat et cetera

Name: Chad

Scripture: Mark 12:28-30

OAP: I have been thinking alot about love lately. As a justifcation, as an idea, as a cause. Everything that I am doing revolves around it. First I think a rough defintion is in order: To love, to value something more than you value yourself. The OED didn't do so great in it's deffination so I supplied my own. I think it is important to realize that love has different levels, tiers. I can love something, by defnintion more than myself, yet care for something in a even greater amount, (x>y>z> Chad, would result in me loving x,y and z, yet clearly ranked). I have said that this month is inherently selfish, and I still believe that, but it bears clarification that it is selfish in the fact that I value my relationship with God over my relationship with others. I had to define that, I had to rank what I care about. Do I listen to God here or do I uphold my responsibilities? Can I do both? What do I value more?
My whole experience has been defined by love, centered around it. I entered into the fast because of a lack of love, finding it hard to find something that I truly cared about. Then came a discovery of what I didn't love, and what I do. It isn't as clear cut as I would like. I find the question not so much as, Do I love God more than this but rather, Do I love listening to God right now in this second more than my quiz right now, a quiz that can't be made up and a infinitely graceful God. Which do I care about more in this second, in this minute. My knowledge of what I love has been shaken up hugely within these past few weeks. I have had a lot of time and I don't miss some of the people I thought I would, others whom I wouldn't have assumed I find myself caring about immensely. I think I define it by what comes to mind when I kneel down to pray, who am I most worried about, what am I going to love so much that I give completely to God. By not being able to reach out in any other way my true will has become completely exposed, with no actual interaction to distort or hide it.
The funny thing about it is that I have been finding out how little I want my will to mean. I hope that it affects little in my life, but the exposer of it is very interesting to me. I am getting to know myself much better as I am learning to ignore myself.

I write all of this because of something that has been bothering me, yet not bothering me at all. My abrupt departure with no explanation, with the exception of a quick facebook note. Friday night to Monday night, that span was amazing for me. In that time I had an overwhelming sense of consolation, for that 100 hour period I was doing exactly what I was meant to be doing at that time. Exactly what God's will was for me, dead on. It was perfect. Not to say that much of this other time isn't, but in that period everything was. Now I have already felt a decent amount of anger, or confusion, or hurt directed towards me and I fully expect that I will find more when I dive back into community. I was selfish leaving, I have responsibilities and expectations that were not fulfilled. What I was doing was good, but it was my good. It was the good I put forward, often with prayer involved, and even with the best intentions, yet it was without a doubt at least partially mine. I wish I did not hurt people, I did, it is the result of my pride. But in this time I have found that I love God more than I love you. I have realized in these weeks whom I love, people that I genuainly care about atleast as much as myself, a few more. But there is an order, and everyone that I possibly have hurt, you are not at the top. Some whom I would do almost anything not to hurt, that I wish would be me instead. But, without a doubt in my mind, no contest.

No Mourning for James...

Name: Nate
Scripture: 

Acts 12:2 "He [Herod] had James, the brother of John, put to death with the sword."

OAP:  

The Sons of Thunder.  That's how James & John were named by Jesus in the gospels.  James & John were Peter's partners in fishing (Luke 5:10).  John was in the same place as Peter when Peter denied Christ.  When Jesus was on the road to Jerusalem to die, James & John wanted to "call down fire from heaven" to destroy a city where they weren't welcome.  Jesus sat on the Mt. of Olives and told Peter, James, and John about the end of the world.

These were Jesus' most intimate disciples.  His closest three.  And then comes this mention in Acts like a line from a text-based adventure game.  "Herod kills James with sword."  

End of story.  

John writes a gospel, three letters, and has visions of the end times (Revelation).  

Peter founds the church, writes letters, etc.  

James however, does something, gets arrested and is killed.

I think what bothers me most about this passage is that when Peter gets out of jail miraculously, and goes to the house, there is not even a mention of mourning about James.  Maybe it had happened weeks or months before Peter was rescued.  People were obviously astonished when Peter arrived.  They thought he had succumbed to the same fate as James.

I don't get God's plan here.  I don't get his purpose with James.  Was James the tag along?  Was he the glue to Peter and John?  What did he contribute to the dynamic of the disciples.  Why does he only get a one liner?

I think this brings to light my issues of relevance, validity in community, and purpose in God's kingdom...which is really to bring glory to Him.  I struggle with wanting to be "great" and do "great" things.  That doesn't leave much room for being a clay vessel that can be shattered at any moment.  Am I okay with just dying and drifting into the history books (or maybe not even getting a sentence mention)?  Does that make me any less loved or appreciated by God?  Does it make my accomplishments any less worth while?  Does it make my life any less significant?  I think the answer is supposed to be no.  

God - I'm grappling with my desire for relevance.  It is a deep piece of my brokenness.  Thank you for taking me as I am.  Please mold me and make me a new creation.

Reality Check

Name: Josh
Scripture: John 15
"18If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you."

OAP: Ouch. This reminds me that i really don't have a right to whine and complain about everyday life junk cause Jesus has been through it all and so much more. We as Christians aren't promised an easy life so i don't know why i've been expecting one lately.

Prayer: Thanks for striking at my pride and expectancy God. Also, thank you for choosing me out of this world, i think i'm glad to have the world hate me for that.

Name: Ian

Scripture: Acts 11:18 "So then, God has granted even the Gentiles repentance unto life."

OAP: The Lord has saved everyones life.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for allowing everyone to be saved.

Quick note

Name: Chad
Scripture: Acts 11
Then to the gentiles God has also granted dependence that leads to life

OAP: This is basic in what we know now, but it warrants repeating. God baptises by the holy spirit, not just by water. It is not an exclusive. I don't have any application of this. I just want to say it again, I think that it is easy to forget.

Name: Ian

Scripture: Acts 10:47-48 Can anyone keep these people from being baptized with water? They have received the Holy Spirit just as we have." So he ordered that they be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ.

OAP: We cannot be held from doing anything for our LORD, because of the Holy Spirit being in our body/soul.

Dear Lord, Thank you for allowing me to not be restricted from doing things for you.

The Freedom to Control the Tongue

Name:Scott
Scripture:James 3:9-10

"9Sometimes [our tongue] praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. 10And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!"

OAP:

It is an interesting perspective, that we curse "those made in the image of God," not just other people. James makes a point to remind us that we are created in His image, and that when we curse others, it is as if we are cursing Him. 

I am so hypocritical, always. I definitely do not have control of my tongue. I am prone to gossip and the putting down of others.

God, take the reins of my tongue.

gospel radar(godar)

Name: Dillon
Scripture: acts 10:28 But God has shown me that I should never think of anyone as impure.
OAP: This verse tells me that I shouldn't think of anyone as impure, because I myself am impure. In other words, don't be a hypocrite. Instead I should think of people as possible candidates for me to share the gospel with. Now this is extremely hard for me, I worry about what people will think of me if i try to share Gods word with them. I worry that mabye they won't like me because they'll think I'm trying to force it down their throats. I have a friend who has made it clear that she is an athiest, and she probably won't be changing that anytime soon. I think she does't want to give up sinful habits because she enjoys them.
Dear God, help me to not see people as impure, but rather see them as people I can share the gospel with.

Puffy White Cloud (part deux)

Name: Josh
Scripture: Numbers 9
"15On the day the tabernacle, the Tent of the Testimony, was set up, the cloud covered it. From evening till morning the cloud above the tabernacle looked like fire. 16That is how it continued to be; the cloud covered it, and at night it looked like fire. 17Whenever the cloud lifted from above the Tent, the Israelites set out; wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped...21Sometimes the cloud stayed only from evening till morning, and when it lifted in the morning, they set out. Whether by day or by night, whenever the cloud lifted, they set out. 22Whether the cloud stayed over the tabernacle for two days or a month or a year, the Israelites would remain in camp and not set out; but when it lifted, they would set out."

OAP: I seriously want to live in this time period, in this community. To be surrounded by people whose whole purpose is just to follow God, to let him control everything, to see him so tangibly. To pack up your belongings at a moment's notice and leave at his command or to stay however long and dwell with Him. To be completely reliant on God even if it meant living for years in a crummy barren deserted place, or staying for just an hour in a pristine fruitful meadow. To travel around and set camp wherever God asks regardless of personal desires or obligations. But i'm here in almaden with no column of cloud, no pillar of fire.

Prayer: So God please provide clarity and direction- i'm lost.

It is good

Name: Chad
Scripture: Acts 10:28 God has shown me that I should not call any person profane or unclean

OAP: I had a conversation with Scott today, he brought Jamba we did accountability, for both I am very thankful. We were discussion my situation, I kept using legalistic terms, clarifying what was and was not allowed. Afterwords I tried to make it clear, its not rules, and when I speak of what I am allowed to do, its not like it sounds, but there is not really any other way to phrase it. The term I have been subsisting for it is not allowed, is that it is not healthy for me right now. Anyway, we were walking on the trail near my house and Christine and Greg come walking from the other direction. Side story: I went to see Jade cheer at Santa Teresa and Morgan and Emily were there, I knew that I couldn't talk or sit with them, but they saw and called out... I waved and sat far away. It would not have been healthy for me then. Back to original story: I talked to Christine, with Scott and Greg. That is without a doubt against the rules. It was good, and it was God. As I have been learning the difference between God's good and my good I found out that God's good isn't definable. No parameters or rules, even the 10 commandments can be shrunken down to two, one even if you are picky. The gut instinct of my good was to obey the law set before me, No groups with people from Church. How much more obvious can it get, I really believe that God put that as a law for me. But God had more and I almost didn't listen. This in no way throws out the "rules", the rule is follow God. I am going to do that to the best of my ability which as of right now entails no community. However I will not be so presumptuous to assume that I can declare something off limits like I could have today. God intervened just like he did with Peter, and I wanted to reply, "certainly not, I have never broken the terms of my fast". It is not my place to declare Christine unclean and profane, but I am working off the assumption that she is.

God, thanks for making this one painless. I am so excited that it wasn't a deep struggle, but rather a calm understanding that you validated in this verse and in your felt presence.

Intersting Sidenote:
So there are two things things that have been marked in my calender for the past year, one is my legal year for my licence, the other is supersmash bros brawl. I have the physical ability to do both of these things....yet no means to do them. Today I was surprisingly completely OK with this...I am weirdly at peace, with more important stuff too....But this illustrates it well

Name: Ian

Scripture: Acts 10:15 Do not call anything impure that God has made clean

OAP: Peter/Simon refuses to kill and eat like the Lord told him to do. He is then told to do it because the lord made it clean. This reminds me why it is important to pray before meals in order to have the Lord make the food clean and thank Him for it.

Dear God,
Thank you for showing me the importance of blessing the food that we eat.

Name: Josh

i just feel like sharing one of my favorite songs today

What does Joppa mean?

Name: Chad
Scripture: Acts 9:20-43

OAP: This is strange, I have never heard this story before...It kinda seems like a biggie. Peter comes into Joppa (Sidenote: I miss Toph) and there is a woman named Tabitha, which is translated as Dorcas which is translated as Gazelle (I don't know why I felt the need to put the translations, maybe because the bible translated it to a word that wasn't English...which annoyed me). Anyway, Gazelle is dead, this doesn't bother Peter because you know, he brings her back to life. How have I not heard this before? Doesn't this seem important to anyone else? I know Jesus did it, but Jesus is God so its almost cheating. It is important to me that God entrusted us with such authority.

God, I am thankful. Not for your authority, that kinda scares me, but for what you are doing in my life. It is kinda ridiculous.

A modernist analyzing modernist lit, postmodernistly

Name: Chad

My situation seems to be changing. I seem to be changing. For about 10 days social isolation was a cage. I turn to God out of necessity, deal with ideas and internal conflicts because God tells me to. A crutch snapped and I endured some shifting, finding that the only place for my weight was God (among other things that haven't snapped, there will be a time for that I am sure). Now there is more.
I am a huge English nerd, I have been for quite some time, but always in the analyzing, the final product, the implications, the explication. In short I liked thinking about literature, composing my thoughts on it. For the most part short stories are my favorites, with a small bent in romantic poetry. I have been reading James Joyce, Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, the single densest piece of prose that I have ever read, it is slightly under 300 pages and with my current pace it will take around seventeen hours to finish. For reference, a month ago for English I read a 500 page Victorian novel in one night, roughly six hours. And from what I have heard my pace will considerably slow down for the last 150 pages. The point I am trying to make is that this book is affecting the way I see literature, the way it can grow me in the process of reading rather than just the end goal. The reason that I felt so strongly called to this month of seclusion was my apathy, apathy that I have never been able to describe satisfactorily. Joyce nails it.
In my head this is God over the past six months, "oh look at that, he is trying to fix his own problems...that's cute. Wait for it..... Ok now he is giving it up, good. So he won't give it directly to me, but it'll get there. Great now you say it is to me, and then. No no you silly goose when you give it up to me that doesn't mean that you try to change it with me, what part of to me don't you understand. Fine, if you asked for my 'help' here is something. Passion?, are you sure? Why does he hold on to this? Hmmm, you can have jealously, can you take a hint? Ouch. Now that's almost everything, we'll work with it. Hmmm, so these some of your pillars of support; family, friends, church, community. Yes, Yes I know they are good, I made them to be, smartboy. Knock them down. Yes really. No I'm super cereal. *crash* Hehehe, now you have to talk with me. No, No, hmm Yes, Yes, No (still no, nope, of course I'm sure don't you think I knew that going in? really really no. Because you love me more that's why), now do you see what is good? Do you see what good I have for you? Here is a letter, now do you trust me? Here are some texts, and a few voicemails, now do you trust me? Here are some supports I have for you, No you can't have those, take these. Here is another text, do you see what is good now? Here is some poetry I wrote for you, there we go, now do you see? Have these books, actually the note is more important for you now. Remember these people, they are good too, but not until I give them to you, remember that. Good. Are you ready? Are you sure? Ok, here is a book I wrote for you, it is due Monday, let's get started."

You are Good.


Scripture: It seems blasphemous to put Joyce here...but I think its true. At least for me at this time. Oh, and Acts 9: 1-19

OAP: Thanks for appearing to me as clearly as you did to Saul.

What a Haughty!

Name: Nate
Scripture: Psalm 40:4 "Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie!"

OAP: So, there are a lot of very competent people at my work place. People who I can learn a lot from. People whose opinions I trust and value. Yet their motivation for success or excellence come from very different place than my own.

This is my struggle. This verse (as it seems are many) I find extremely difficult in application. Will I still have success if I trust in the Lord? Am I straying from the Lord if I listen and value the opinion of others? Am I succumbing to the same "lies" by pursuing excellence?

Someone once told me that its easy to make things black or white, but that faith was walking step by step in the middle...looking for guidance within the nuances of each situation. The more I think about it, this is the situation at work? What is redeemable from those that have gone before me at work? What is God teaching me, not only through their skills and talents, but also their character? Where is God taking me through these situations? What kind of man am I becoming?

Lord, I don't think you want us to just make everything easier to work through by painting it one way or the other. It removes the dependency to walk with You moment by moment. Walk with me this week. I pray I am attentive to your voice in these situations. Continue to teach me to listen, and thanks for your offering of wisdom.

Yeah

Name: Josh
Scripture: Psalm 40
3He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.

OAP: I love the image of God putting a song of worship upon our tongue. Worship for me, or at least through music, has become pretty much a sunday night thing, and i want to sing praise more often throughout the week. I don't have much to say cause my head is spinning and i cant focus very well.

Prayer: May those who notice my worship revel in and find comfort in your glory God.

Name: Dillon
Scripture: psalm 40:5 If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them.
OAP: So when I was reading this chapter I was kind of skimming through and this verse caught my eye. It made me think of all the things (even the little things) that God has done for me. I realized that I have not appreciated what God has done for me like I should.

Help me to appreciate the little things that you do for me.

Influenza

Name: Josh
Scripture: Jeremiah 10
'19Woe to me because of my injury! My wound is incurable! Yet I said to myself, "This is my sickness, and I must endure it." '

OAP: The flu sucks. As i write this im thinking about how we have no school tomorrow, but that i wont be doing much. I still really want to go to the beach, i really want to get lunch with friends, i really want to see a friend's play. I made plans and felt confident in them, and this random sickness is destroying them. And then verse 23 hits me. "23I know, O LORD, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps."

Prayer: Thanks for ruining all these plans i set up to show me that im not in control God. This life is not mine. Let me endure this sickness and dwell on your word.

wasn't it great when we were 5?

Name: Dillon
Scripture: Ecclesiastes 7:10
Don't long for "the good old days", for you don't know whether they were any better than today
OAP: So recently Iv'e been thinking alot about how I wish I was a little kid again because life was so much simpler back then and I didn't need to worry about much. This verse reminded me of that, and it made me realize I shouldn't long for those days so much because, 1. I can never go back to my childhood years, and 2. I don't really know if those days were better than now. Shure I didn't need to worry about anything, and I didn't have many responsibilities, but I have alot more freedom now than I did when I was 5.
Dear God, help me to stop thinking so much abut how it was in "the good old days" and start thinking about the present.

"Repent, Repent, the end is near." RvB

Name: Nick


Scripture: Psalm 32: "3 When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long."


SOAP: I am guilty of "keeping silent" or refusing to confess my sin. I don't know why I would ever hide guilt in my heart, but I find that sometime I forget the power of the Lord. When I confess my sin, He takes away my sin and guilt. This Psalm is very encouraging to keep my troubles before the Lord and not let my sin build up into a burden which brings me down. Another line in Psalm 32 talks about confessing my rebellion to the Lord, which I have done today. I decided, once and for all not to listen to, download, or have anything else to do with downloading music. It's a easy choice to make when looking at it morally, and lawfully, but I have had to examine my heart and ask God what is right. Obviously, He wants me to stop, so I have deleted all my songs, and now will only purchase CD's. This was an especially difficult decision considering I just bought a 16 GB iTouch for about 500 bucks, and now don't have any music.

A time for peace

Name: Chad

To Solitude, By John Keats,

O SOLITUDE! if I must with thee dwell,

Let it not be among the jumbled heap

Of murky buildings; climb with me the steep,—

Nature’s observatory—whence the dell,

Its flowery slopes, its river’s crystal swell,

May seem a span; let me thy vigils keep

’Mongst boughs pavillion’d, where the deer’s swift leap

Startles the wild bee from the fox-glove bell.

But though I’ll gladly trace these scenes with thee,

Yet the sweet converse of an innocent mind,

Whose words are images of thoughts refin’d,

Is my soul’s pleasure; and it sure must be

Almost the highest bliss of human-kind,

When to thy haunts two kindred spirits flee.


OAP: During sophomore year I decided to pray about my papers, to ask God to chose the piece I was going to explicate. I started to explicate this about 3 hours ago, roughly 2 AM, and when I started I thought there was no way that God was going to guide me here, simply because I was being irresponsible with my time. I was wrong. I just wrote a paper on this so forgive me for not going into detail on what this poem did with me, I just want to make some comments about the night in general. It was good, here I am at 4:45, with a huge US history test tomorrow, and an explication due, yet here I am, sitting in my robe in my Lazy Boy, drinking Iced Tea and I can honestly say it was a good night, not even just good as in I got done what needed to get done but good as in enjoyable, I even took a break around 4 to arrange a photo wall. I enjoyed tonight when there is no reason that I should have, it was relaxing even when I am on a time crunch, it was spiritually fulfilling even when it was academic. Now I may not feel this way in an hour and a half when I have to get up, but I am thankful for tonight. God worked here.

Stop. Listen.

Name: Josh
Scripture: Psalm 32
"4For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Selah 5Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "— and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah 6Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him. 7You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah 8I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."

OAP: I like the word selah. It's all throughout the Psalms and is some sort of musical term, but according to wikipedia (sorry chad i'm too lazy to find a "credible" source) its one of the hardest words to translate from Hebrew too. It depends on the context but some translations mean 'stop and listen,' 'forever/always,' or sometimes it's used to connect verses and show a cause/effect relationship. In this verse i think the latter applies the most visibly. I almost think of like one of those talking storybooks, whenever it says "selah" you turn the page and keep reading. 1)David was wallowing in his sin, so he... *selah* 2)repents and confesses to God, and then finding his guilt ridden and spirits lifted he... *selah* 3) encourages everyone to sing and pray to God, to find comfort in Him so that... *selah* 4)He can teach and instruct us. Hahaha that was lame, but yeah that's kind of what i'm getting out of it.

Prayer: You are amazing God. Let me stop and listen. I talk too much. :)

Can you hear me now?

Name: Nate
Scripture: Psalm 32:8-9

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.  Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you."

OAP: Listening is hard.  Especially when you think you know the right thing to do.  Or, perhaps your emotions make you feel justified about a certain perspective.  Stubborness, pride...even in the little things get in the way of listening.

Today I went to lunch with some friends.  We talked about something that was kind of bothering me.  When we got talking about it, I realized it was REALLY bothering me.  I started to be honest with myself, and it brought a lot of issues to light...how I handle certain situations.  It was really hard to receive some of the advice I was being given.  

This passage reminds me of the importance of being open to listen.  God goal for our lives is to make us fully human.  Are we open to that?  Even when its not easy?  Even when we think we've got it figured out?  

Jesus, thank you for bringing me to place where I am open to transformation.  I haven't been there.  Thanks for softening my heart, and putting people in my life to speak truth.  People who I trust, and who listen to you.  I pray I don't go deaf.

Name: Nick
Scripture: Acts 7:45-8:3 "55But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. 56"Look," he said, "I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God."
SOAP: In Acts 7, Stephen is stoned after giving a speech to the Sanhedrin, and the amazing part of it is while he is getting stoned, he asks God to pardon their sins. I can't imagine the peace in his heart for him to be capable of doing that. Stephen is like an idol to me because I long to have that exact same stead fast faith in the Lord. I want His will to be done, but it's always more difficult to act it out. I need to make it a habit to turn to God when I feel alone, or when I'm surrounded by my enemies. I must make my response to hardship or blessing automatic in crying out or thanking God. I just need to think of Him first and last, so I may hear what He is saying.

Prayer: "Lord, I want to hear you. Please fill me up with your spirit as I throw out everything else."

Boop dee boop dah dumm dumm.

Name: Josh
Scripture: Acts 7:45-8:3
"57Then they put their hands over their ears and began shouting. They rushed at him 58and dragged him out of the city and began to stone him. His accusers took off their coats and laid them at the feet of a young man named Saul."

OAP: So this is the end of Stephen. He is dragged off and stoned by the mob, until he falls "asleep;" i've always thought it funny that they use that wording in multiple versions. But anyways what caught my attention more than anything was how the "ringleaders" leave their clothes with Saul as kind of a valet as they rush off to kill Stephen. Saul at the time wasn't a big mean church prosecutor guy, just kind of a bystander as i picture it. He witnesses the event and he takes no action to intervene and save Stephen, just lets the people do what he knows is obviously wrong. He even holds their coats for them, doing them a favor! I'm picturing myself in Saul's place because as i go about my daily life i see innocent people wronged in unjust and unfair ways, and i look back wondering why sometimes i take no action, why i haven't enough backbone or faith to do anything. I am reminded for some reason of an Edmund Burke quote my music teacher repeated constantly in middle school, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."

Prayer: God, don't let me be a coathanger for evil, don't let me tolerate the persecution of your children when it's in my power. Or rather, the power you grant me. Thanks for today, thanks for the weather, thanks for people dancing in dog suits and playing baseball.