Name: Chad
Scripture: Joshua 23-24; Mark 9:38-10:12
42 “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, [7] it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea. 43 And if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than with two hands to go to hell, [8] to the unquenchable fire. [9] 45 And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life lame than with two feet to be thrown into hell. 47 And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into hell, 48 ‘where their worm does not die and the fire is not quenched.’ 49 For everyone will be salted with fire. [10] 50 Salt is good, but if the salt has lost its saltiness, how will you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another
OAP: This soap ends right before one of my favorite passages of scripture, Mark 10:15. Oh well, tomorrow night.
I am excited, today I crippled my will. I have been dealing with a small amount of not apathy. Constant and repetitive prayer, ala a month of seclusion, has been invaluable in accepting this caring yet putting it second, firmly behind God. I don't think I would have been able to do that before. My non apathy selfishness took a shot, but it was intentional. I became lame, in multiple meanings of the word, and am joyful in it. For the first time I embraced this "not apathy" in a way that didn't continue the rebellion, even though my personal will took a hit. Honestly, I am ecstatic, this means that passion won't always separate me from God, although I am still extremely wary. I thrive in apathy, it makes everything easier, I find it extremely easy to be "godly" when I don't care, now I get to care while I first serve the kingdom. I have been worried, as in my last post, that passion can always lead to sin. So therefore I didn't want passion, I wanted to stay in my apathy. I didn't want to care and became extremely scared when I did. By no means am I comfortable here, right now it kinda sucks. But through massive amounts of prayer God showed me when I needed to cut my hand off because it might be harmful, or atleast maim it a little bit, and I did, and it hurt. I don't mind at all, I am joyous, it is truly better to love God first and I experienced that today, above all else. I know that fully, atleast for tonight I know, but forgetfulness is ingrained in me.
God, take me back here eventually. I will forget how much better your kingdom is than mine no matter how much I try to imitate yours. It is, I can read that as many times as I want to in your word but it never strikes as true as I have discovered it today. I trust you.
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"I have been worried, as in my last post, that passion can always lead to sin."
Very good introspection. I think I can relate. The other day I had one of those almost-breakthroughs that never made it because it was on the tip of my tongue (or rather tip of my mind) and I couldn't finish the final connection in my head. It was similar to what you are saying though. It is really hard for me to get excited, because when I give into this excitement I am less aware of how others are feeling around me, but then I am not fully living in the moment, because I am too worried about being alert to what God has for me (as if He hasn't given me the things that make me excited.) I think Jen has inspired me to go play on a playground and lose myself in the excitement.
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