If I had emotions, I would be embarrassed that people read this

Name: Chad
Scripture: II Samuel 4-5; Psalms 64-65; I Corinthians 13
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.

OAP: I got distracted with implications and then fell asleep typing this up last night, so I thought I would post it.
The partial shall fade away, yet love is eternal. So there is a fullness about love, a completeness or a rightness. As much as this is a description of God, in the vein of "God is love", or a definition used by christian kids to claim love, I read this more as a...I'm not sure, but not either of those.
This doesn't read like alot of scripture. It deals with the fleeting. Yet through it it goes into the eternal and truth. Maybe it is less conditional, not "love never ends" as in if it ends, then it wasn't love, but rather the goodness, the joy in truth, patience, kindness, those are the unbreakable. Then all the others, the fleeting, are breakable and will pass away. This may just be a "we win" passage. I don't feel like typing out all of the implications that are bouncing around in my head. It is a different understanding of the truth, or at least a new layer of it. For me.
I just read this over fairly quickly, there are alot of major gaps that I ignored because I understood and didn't need to explain. Maybe I will come back, it is worth fleshing out simply because the new layer of truth becomes more cemented and tangible for me. I may write about it eventually.

Is my unwillingness to delve deeper into this now going to hamper the finishing? I am sure I could talk myself into it, having a paper stored for Harville next year, that seems lie the epitome of nerdiness. Why wouldn't it be enough for me just to do? Oops. It's not like I would do it for that reason. Fine, I won't. It is enough, you are enough. OK, now that that is out of the way, back to the question. Ok, when?

I don't wanna

Name: Chad
Scripture: II Samuel 3; I Chron 12; I Corinthians 12
Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. 28 And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, helping, administrating, and various kinds of tongues. 29 Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? 30 Do all possess gifts of healing? Do all speak with tongues? Do all interpret? 31 But earnestly desire the higher gifts.

OAP: So I have to teach. Apparently I need an intro, something to bring in the audience and give them something to remember. I am also not supposed to tell them that I don't want to do an intro at all. I mostly ignore visuals, or at least any less than outstanding intro. The best teaching I have heard was given to a captive audience, with the teacher having no reservations about the interest of students, but rather about the quality of material. Not that an intro weakens the material in anyway, I just find it unnecessary. Mostly because I can't do one, at least not a real one in all seriousness, I think it is ridiculous. I know they are helpful to highschool students and necessary, but personally I don't like them, nor do I relate to them.

God, humble me in what I cannot do. Grow me in my strengths and let me be content in what you have for me and not covet any other types of ability. If parts or the whole needs to fail then so be it, for your greater glory.

Proof read for spelling errors

Name: Chad
Scripture: 2 Cr 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.The old has passed away; behold, the new has come

OAP: "Death to self, your will not mine, let me not get in the way of your Lord, don't let me play any part of this". These are prayers that I do a lot. The past few months I have been extremely cynical about anything that I want. Anything that I suspect comes from me I assume must be bad, and I don't want any part of it. I enjoy friends, therefore I will give them up for you. And I know that there are good things, but I can always see the possibility of idolatry. Adam told me something a few weeks back, I think it was an afterthought as I was leaving church, but it was significant. God made me a new heart, and it is good.
It was God's will and my will, I wanted my will destroyed. But although human, I am made in the image of God, reborn in the spirit. In short, I have good in me. I have God. This was interesting to grapple with, it meant a lot. I am wary of my thoughts, but I don't fear them, I may even embrace a few.

God, I want your will. I don't trust that I know it very well yet, but I am learning to listen in new ways. By far the newest is a certain amount of trust in the mind you gave me, the heart you crafted, the spirit you are refining.
Hallelujah

Digging

I have had a nice treat over the past five days. My English final requires me to be able to look at a random piece of poetry and deduce which of the poets we read this semester wrote it, and why. Also I have to be able to take a line and know which work it came from. So I spent the last five days surrounded by poetry. Not to mention speed reading POTAAAYM again.

In my busiest time I am required to read over the great works of language, to get to know them intamently. It is good. It is very good.

God, apparently pastels haven't been my medium for quite some time. I want to hear and speak with you better because of this. Thank you for letting me.

i am but one small instrument

p9bijmesa932hnujdnbpofesaasodnmofkgopsfcnvoiadeyaejma45ijedtji5aiaope654rtwwajwbn. balls.

im done trying God, its all you now.

huh.

Name: josh

i wasted this day as beautiful as it was. and i cant think of anything to say.

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." Romans 8:26-28

god what am i doing? i have no idea how to talk to you right now.

David pulls a Ferris

Name: Chad
Scripture: I Sam 19; Psalm 59; I Corinthians 2:6-16

And Michal took an image and laid it in the bed, put a cover of goats’ hair for his head, and covered it with clothes. 14 So when Saul sent messengers to take David, she said, “He is sick.”

OAP: I have been journaling incessantly, and not keeping up with the Old Testament soap at all, so I am a little out of context. Saul wanting David killed for no reason, family betrail and David's attempt to equal Ferris Beuller, maybe if he had the hand rigged up to the door it would have worked better. I remember Saul being a good guy, here he swears an oath and then attempts to skewer David.

God, let this discipline continue to become a habit. I demoted it in favor of things I deem more important, and things you have shown to be good, but I recognize the stability in this time. I don't know if it should be separate from my regular prayer time, although I am sure it would overlap. Guide me in that, maybe on a day by day basis or however you see fit. I like the constant.

i guess this is better than surgery

Name: Josh

i did the soap tonight in my notebook but im too lazy to type it out.
alternatively, here's part of my favorite hymn (been in my head all day) :

Be Thou my wisdom, and Thou my true word
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord
Thou my great father, i Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and i with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle shield, sword for the fight
Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight
Thou my soul’s shelter, Thou my high tower;
Raise Thou me heavenward, O power of my power.

Well this is new...

Don't waste this

Me, Sarcastic?

Name: Chad
Scripture: Zechariah 7:9-12

Thus says the Lord of hosts: Render true judgment, and show kindness and compassion toward each other.Do not oppress the widow or the orphan, the alien or the poor; do not plot evil against one another in your hearts. But they refused to listen; they stubbornly turned their backs and stopped their ears so as not to hear. And they made their hearts diamond-hard so as not to hear the teaching and the message that the Lord of hosts had sent by his spirit through the former prophets.

OAP: I wrote a scathing sarcastic paper on this passage tonight. It was mostly self mockery and condemnation.


God, akdfsj. Why don't I pray about this, my very lifestyle is going against it yet my mind and prayer time are almost completely consumed by something that in no way will help me better love these oppressed people. Atleast I think so. I want to follow your will, break whatever is not it.

"Did I do well?" - Izzard

Name: Chad
Scripture: I Samuel 6-8; Galatians 1

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

OAP: The soap I wrote last night makes me sound like an elitist prick. I don't care. It was what I needed to think about and the way I did it was the best way for me. These aren't supposed to make sense to you. I know that by addressing the reader I am seemingly contradicting what I am saying, but I need to put it down in text. I wrote something last night and then I edited it. I was talking about modernism and post modernism and to me it made sense, but I thought that it sounded like I was throwing around terms for no constructive reason other than to prove I can distinguish between my modern and p modern thoughts. So I edited it to please you. So you would understand better what I meant.

God, I don't always act as if your approval is all that I want. It wasn't a big thing, but it was an act solely to allow them to understand, at the expense of that was what I was really trying to understand through those terms. I am sorry. Thankyou for making me aware of it. I want to serve you.

The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place

Name: Scott
Scripture: Galatians 1:10

"Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant."

OAP:

Paul used to persecute. After his transformation, people didn't believe he was different, and were very hostile towards him. If anyone would need the "approval of people", it would be him.

Sometimes I only want to further my knowledge of the Bible and of the character of God so that I can impress other people with that knowledge. 

Jesus, I only need to please you. Move my eyes from this world to you.

A tattered coat upon a stick

Name: Chad
Scripture: Yes

OAP: I have started journaling. It is never something that I have bothered to do before because I didn't need to clarify my thoughts into words, they made sense to me and that was all that mattered. It is nice. I do a stream of conciousness style journal which allows for me to organize my mind and finish with a clear idea yet it is the process that is most interesting/revealing.

Here is the product: I am going to break. It is good.

My soul will clap its hand's and sing, and louder sing
For every tatter in its mortal dress

Hmmm...

Name: Josh
Scripture: Micah 7
"18Who is a God like you,
who pardons sin and forgives the transgression
of the remnant of his inheritance?
You do not stay angry forever
but delight to show mercy."

OAP: Why? I don't understand why you forgive me. I haven't done anything deserving of it. But you say that you always forgive. There isn't any physical proof i can see that shows me you have forgiven me when i ask you, but it says you always delight to show mercy. So ill take comfort in that. But the thing that bothers me the most is that i can't promise it won't happen again. It undoubtedly will. I know you promise redemption every single time i repent, but god i just don't get it. Why? Why me? You're crazy.

Prayer: I can't understand you, and i don't get it. But i think that's ok.

Journey of the Magi

Name: Chad
Scripture:
36And he spake also a parable unto them; No man putteth a piece of a new garment upon an old; if otherwise, then both the new maketh a rent, and the piece that was taken out of the new agreeth not with the old.
37And no man putteth new wine into old bottles; else the new wine will burst the bottles, and be spilled, and the bottles shall perish.
38But new wine must be put into new bottles; and both are preserved.
39No man also having drunk old wine straightway desireth new: for he saith, The old is better.

OAP: I should really post the soaps verses on the blog... Maybe tomorrow.
T.S. Elliot mentions some old wine skins, they have been left on the ground empty. Exactly where they should be. During class when we were talking about it I couldn't remember the context for the old wine skins, something about bursting. Old wine skins are worse than useless, they not only can't hold anything, if they were to attempt to they would only ruin the new wine.

God, I don't know why I would try to come back to the old container. But I have a certain nostalgia for it, let me be comfortable with it cast to the ground, abandoned with no future use.

Stupid British Snack Food!

Yay private journal!

Super-hero, or super-villain?

Name: Scott

Scripture: Judges

I though Samson was supposed to be like a good person or whatever? But he is murdering people and sleeping with prostitutes? What the heck?